Life Sucks!

It has been a very frustrating time. I am up to 180 again. My band isn't full enough, but my doctor wont give me a fill because he says I am making poor choices, which I am, but I am making poor choices because the band allows me to and because I am just so tired of the whole process in general. I really need to re-focus and I just haven't been able too.

On a side note, however, we just spent a family weekend in Big Bear and took photos at the Discovery Center and then Ed posted this photo on our camping blog.  So I guess on the overall scheme of things I'm doing fine.  I just have to get through the day to day issues.

I need to re-focus

I haven't posted in a while, Mainly because I am so fed up.  I have not lost weight in over six months and I cannot, cannot, get my eating under control. My band is too loose but I've had it too tight as well and that is just miserable and I just can't stop eating no matter how hard I try.

I am frustrated, with life, with my outlook towards food, my job.  I need to re-focus. I need to celebrate what I have already accomplished and get my life back under control.

Over a year now.

Well it's been over a year now since I had my surgery. I first met with my surgeon on June 25, 2008 at a weight of 264.5 pounds. This morning I weighed in at 171.2 more then 90 pounds lost. Now I won't pretend it's been all fun, there have been some really hard times, but I am at a point where I am very happy with my body and size. If I lose more, cool. If not, then I'm okay. Well, off to knit now.

Things are looking up.

Well I finally broke 180, only by half a pound mind you, but I'll take it. It's been hard work, but well worth it. One year ago I would never have spent the day at the beach. Yeah, I'm still hiding my legs, but I'm still out there. Of course I'm paying for it now with the aftermath of a sunburn, but it's turning into a very cool tan.

Third time is NOT the charm

Well I thought my last fill was finally the one and I was so wrong. I did well for a little over a week, was eating okay, not having too many problems.  Then on Thursday I started to feel some tightness, but Friday forget it. On Saturday the acid reflux had built up so bad that I was in constant pain. I started Prilosec but still in constant pain.  I thought about waiting it out and then I thought what if I wait and then can't get into see the doctor.  This morning I had gone three days without being able to keep down any amount of food or water in my system.  So I called and went in. I had .4 cc's taken out of my band and the doctor and I came up with a Prilosec regimen to keep the acid under control. I go back already on 7/22 so I will be careful and after three times I plan on telling the doc, no more fills that are more than .5 cc's at a time. It's just not worth it. I want to be thin, but I also want a quality of life and I don't want to risk dehydration etc.  So we try again.  Man for those people who say having weight loss surgery is the easy way out are just bonkers. They don't even know what we go through.

Plugging Along

I went for a fill last week and things are going okay so far. I think I'm eating too much but hey I am feeling some type of restriction.  I am hoping to get back to some steady weight loss. Even if it's slow that's okay.

As for the rest of life. I am at a crossroads in life. I am really hating my job but I'm so invested in my career there is no way to change now. Man there are times I wish I had picked a different field. Anyway, on a more creative note, if you are reading this blog, go on over to my mexicanmarta.blogspot.com cite and check out my craft stuff.

Hope

It's been along month. I haven't lost any weight but I haven't gained any either. This is very surprising since I have been grazing non-stop as if I never had surgery. Thankfully I have an appointment with the surgeon tomorrow for an adjustment and I hope I will be back on track soon.  I also joined LA Fitness and have started an exercise regimen that will help as well. So keep your fingers crossed and I'll keep you posted.